awake my soul.

lend me your hand & we'll conquer them all
but lend me your heart & I'll just let you fall
lend me your eyes; I can change what you see
but your soul you must keep, totally free

(Mumford & Sons - Awake My Soul)

since I started listening to Mumford, the lines in this song have spoken to me for some reason. I will literally sit and replay the song to hear them over and over again.

lend me your hand & we'll conquer them all -
come and be my friend, address me as your equal, and we can walk and learn and become great together.
lend me your eyes; I can change what you see -
I will show you and teach you things you have not seen or heard of before. you will view the Earth and others in a light that you never noticed before.

this, to me, is truly romantic.
the song speaks about the promise of enhancing one another's lives through experiences, learning, the physical Earth, and through other people.
how great would it be to meet someone who can create and/or share in these experiences with you?
it sounds like the promise of a true lifelong companion....

....yet, there is a bittersweet element to this song. it is telling of a profound friendship, but one that is potentially loveless. giving your hand or your eyes to this person ensures camaraderie and enlightenment. but, giving of your soul, one of the most precious things we have as humans, does not produce a positive result. I can hardly wrap my head around it - a companionship this deep without the inclusion of the heart and soul? something seems wrong with that.

maybe I am misinterpreting what the artist meant to convey, but that is how I understood the song from the first time I heard it... probably why I have been so intrigued and needed to hear it so many times.

anyways. in relation to my life, I decided that friendship is the way to go. this was my initial goal upon becoming an " unattached " woman, and somehow - unfortunately - I was a bit side-tracked. but I am committing to getting back on that track, because I am not ready for a relationship as a lover. I need to learn to be a friend first. i cannot get desired results by repeating the same behaviors from past, failed relationships -- jumping right into them, getting ahead of myself because I am excited about a certain prospect, etc. * friends first * I am going to shift my focus. I am going to do this.

regarding P1 & P2 from the previous post - I think they were placed in my life for a reason, but for now I may need to distance myself from the sexual situation. P1 has shown me what a man will do to show he is truly interested and how a woman should be treated with gentleness sometimes. P2 has taught me that I need to relax and take things slow, not always be in control of the situation. I feel as if P2 has taken the entire element of control away from me - he is calling the shots. it drives me insane, but i am going to take the advice of a good male friend and "chill the fuck out" and that maybe this is "healthy" for me.

whatevs. what is meant to be will happen. in the meantime, I am going to work on awakening my soul and making it prettier. I've been focusing too much on making myself physically prettier. it is time to get down to the core.

tbc!